The journey from pure indulgent lust and love to relationship break up doesn't happen overnight. Instead, it builds slowly and often goes unnoticed. You may get a surprise when your partner announces they are unhappy and have been for some time. I am on a mission to support couples to build healthy relationships and break the negative patterns that exist through no fault of your own.
Deterioration of relationship health is a combination of the negative dance that occurs between couples, poor patterns that are hard to spot and difficult to break, and a gradual distancing from one another.
The distancing happens when you start to close off to love, you shut down emotionally and your relationship hits a rough patch. Left unaddressed it will spell the end of your relationship.
What happens when we close off to love?
Shutting down emotionally in your relationship is a lonely, painful place to be. As a couple, you will both tend to retreat within yourselves and turn your attention outside of the relationship. Neither of you wants to make the first move or feel vulnerable. Foundations of a healthy relationship such as intimacy, kindness, compassion and passion, disappear. You are less likely to make advances (sexual or otherwise) towards your partner and when your partner attempts to connect with you, it goes unnoticed or you ignore this because of the pain from the past or your needs previously being unmet.
Why do we close off to love?
Fear of rejection - It is common to fear rejection and therefore easier to hold back and do nothing.
Low self-worth - It is difficult to be open to love when you feel you aren't feeling worthy of receiving love.
Your lens or filter - You have a filter or a lens that you view your relationship through, this can cause you to close off to love.
Uncertainty of what to do next - Not being sure of what you should do next is a common reason for shutting down. You know things aren't right but you don't know how to fix it.
Being stuck in the past - Not being able to let go of the past makes it impossible for you to move forward.
Needing to be right - The need to be right and prove your partner wrong is your ego is out to play. What would it take for you to let go of the need to be right?
Do you recognise any of those? Does this sound familiar?
In my next blog, I will share with you ways to stay open to love, even though every fibre of you may be resisting this. I know how challenging relationships can be and how exhausting it is when things don't feel right. It is emotionally draining and you can feel so alone. Don't suffer, if you need support make the first step, and start today, with a no-obligation chat. I'm sure you feel better once you say things out loud.
Don't forget to tune into the weekly Podcast Geordie Lass and Doc Sass for all your relationship hot topics and questions, on all major platforms.
Coming soon is the relationship reset online programme to help you understand your relationship better and move towards joy and happiness. To find out more, email firstname.lastname@example.org