Updated: Jan 20
Life is tough at times and, then we add on the pressure of further lockdown periods, Christmas and winter worries.
Understandably, you may be asking the question will my relationship survive. If you are asking the question, my guess is things have been tricky for you at times and, you are worried you won't last or that things may get worse.
Relationships go through many stages during their lifetime, and sometimes we question is it all worth it. So, what next?
Sit with your feelings for a while, name them, feel them deeply and write them down (if this helps). Don't struggle with it for too long though. There is a danger of overthinking things in your relationship, creating stories and situations that don't exist. Building things up in your mind until they become impossible to overcome.
Once you are more comfortable with your thoughts, feelings and emotions. Ask yourself, what do I want to do with this? It may be nothing. Be careful where the choice of nothing is coming from. If it's fear of the unknown you can't stop at this. By not dealing with it, it will surface again in other ways.
The best place to start is a conversation with your partner, their response may surprise you. Once we say things out loud the power often reduces and, you instantly feel better. That's part of the power of relationship coaching, space and freedom to say what's on your mind, without judgement and safe in the knowledge you can make sense of things as you say them out loud.
Sharing worries and anxieties with your partner will strengthen your relationship, but don't place too much emphasis or expectation on the initial chat especially, if it is a new thing for you both to open up. f you don't get the response you wanted wait a few days and raise it again. Always speak about your own situation, feelings and thoughts and try not to assume what's going on for your partner.
If you are unable to share, get support to help you make sense of what's coming up for you. Try relationship coaching or therapy. Write your thoughts in a journal, even if you tear it up or delete them later. The words will be safer out of your head, helping you to move forward and away from the negative chain reaction that can sometimes occur when we fail to process things that bubble under the surface.
If you can't share your feelings and emotions with your other half instead start by sharing your needs. In the beginning, this may be at a very transactional level, such as I'd really appreciate it if we could cook dinner together or bath the kids together. This stops you from bottling up your needs or playing the Marta. Instead it starts to build unity as you face tasks together as a couple. This can really build strength, knowing you've faced the day together and supported each other.
"A partnership is inspiring each other when times get tough!"
Allow each other the space you need to do the things that make you mentally strong. Scheduling in alone time as well as time together as a couple. It's important to prioritise self care and couple care equally.
Lastly, take care of each other, commit to the relationship and be safe in the knowledge that this time will pass.
I know how challenging relationships can be and how exhausting it is when things don't feel right. It is emotionally draining and you can feel so alone. Don't suffer, if you need support make the first step, and start today, with a no obligation chat. I'm sure you feel better once you say things out loud.
Don't forget to tune into the weekly Podcast Geordie Lass and Doc Sass for all your relationship hot topics and questions, on all major platforms.