It can be so tricky to navigate the world of love in a healthy way. We don't come with a manual or instant computer programme that shows us the way. Even worse than this the experiences we have in life and often poor roles models generally show us how not to do things but we see those as familiar and repeat the same poor practices.
Staying open to love can be one of the most difficult things to do in your relationship, particularly when you, your partner or both of you are in distress. Most of the time you won't spot that you are closed to love, you won't notice that you are disconnecting from your partner or that you are rejecting or punishing your partner.
Staying open to love requires inner strength and inner work to uncover the thoughts and emotions below the surface. With this comes some great reward. In my blog last week, I explained the reasons why you may close off to love. It makes sense that as a couple you get caught in a negative cycle.
Breaking the cycle takes effort, ideally on both sides but if you start with you a ripple effect will occur. It will take some time, please do not give up at the first perceived rejection. It may feel uncomfortable to you but stick with it and the results will be worth it. Remember you are both on the same side.
Acknowledge the situation and make a commitment to change - Acknowledging that where you are isn't where you want to be is a great first step. This doesn't mean the hurt of what's happened isn't real, your feelings are valid. When you are ready it is time to commit to making a change. Set an intention for the work you will do to open up to love. This is being open to giving love, without an attachment to what happens next and being open to receiving love, no matter how small it is in the beginning. It might sound like this "I am open to receiving love from my partner, no matter how small. I will acknowledge the love being shown and be grateful that I have this in my life."
Make time for regular small moments of love - Love isn't like the movies all big gestures and grand displays of affection. Love is based on being there for each other, supporting each other and sharing moments of joy that connect you both regularly. Set aside time each day to show love to your partner in small ways.
Stop blaming your partner and seek to repair instead - When you blame another for your situation you are avoiding all personal responsibility. You are waiting for your partner to fix things and avoiding taking any action yourself. Instead, seek ways to repair what's happened. You can't change history but you can affect the future.
Start today and be patient, results may not be instant. Acknowledge even the smallest of wins and stick with taking small but significant action steps.
In my next blog, I will share with you ways to stay open to love, even though every fibre of you may be resisting this. I know how challenging relationships can be and how exhausting it is when things don't feel right. It is emotionally draining and you can feel so alone. Don't suffer, if you need support make the first step, and start today, with a no-obligation chat. I'm sure you feel better once you say things out loud.
Don't forget to tune into the weekly Podcast Geordie Lass and Doc Sass for all your relationship hot topics and questions, on all major platforms.
Coming soon is the relationship reset online programme to help you understand your relationship better and move towards joy and happiness. To find out more, email firstname.lastname@example.org